so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
