never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you had me at cake vodka
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
