I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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