I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
