I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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