It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
