I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
