break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You work out of a Hotel?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
