I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
