i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
