I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
