Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.

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(914): View more from New York

Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.

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(207): View more from Maine

Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.

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(386): View more from Florida

Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.

(604): View more from British Columbia

And by one day I mean once every two weeks.

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(817): View more from Texas

We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.

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(632): View more from

Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.

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