What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
