My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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