Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
