I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
