I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
