she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
