dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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