my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
