i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
