I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
