No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
