we're chasing vodka with high fives
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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