I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
