well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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