He told me they were just razor bumps!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
