that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
