i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
