I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize