my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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