anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
