Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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