It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
