So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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