I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
