Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
