Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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