Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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