I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
