I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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