If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
