whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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