My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize