he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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