I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
