I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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