Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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