I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
