please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
