Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
