Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
