his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
