this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
