My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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