I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
