I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
