the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So squirting runs in the family.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
