Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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