he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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