When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
