If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize