the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
