yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
