My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
