What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
