i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
