i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize