Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
