I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize