why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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