Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
