Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dicks are not precious.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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