I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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