Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
