walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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