i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
