I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
3pm strippers are depressing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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