I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
