then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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