why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
