I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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