my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
