Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
