They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
