You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
