Slut skills are useful in every country.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize