She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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