nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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