im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
