i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
