Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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