3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize